I recently came across this meme (there are multiple versions floating around) but like all humor, it’s funny because it’s true:
The irony of me sharing this with you via email is not lost on me — you must know by now that that is the reason I’m sharing it. (By the way, the irony of a meme about freedom being found on social media is just as big SO THERE.)
I write about finding magic and poetry in the everyday. About rest. About meditation and writing and the work of finding and healing yourself. I realize that this is the kind of stuff that people either get or they roll their eyes at, and it’s fine. You’re here because you’re one of these people. I bet some of you probably wonder if I’m serious when I talk about this stuff. (I am.)
I wrote about these things because this was the focus of my life. I suppose I was living the “soft life” we all keep hearing about. But I never lost sight of the fact that this introspective period wasn’t going to be permanent and so I lived in a perpetual state of gratitude (another incredible thing to nurture by the way. I highly recommend it.)
But here’s the thing: I got a job and I’m readjusting to that life and OH BOY is it a reminder that creating space and freedom and taking care of yourself is HARD.
Don’t get me wrong: Finding time for myself and doing the work of figuring out what a life free from outside expectations looks and feels like for me was hard when I had all the time in the world — I am the mother of three teenagers after all, as well as a very flawed human person, plus one who must have had a KICK ME sign on my back because when I start thinking about the number of people who tried - and sometimes managed - to do just that…well, it’s a hard fought battle that I have won so far.
I respect anyone who has the courage to say no (to anything) so that they can work on being truly and deeply themselves, no matter their circumstances.
But guess what? You will be SHOCKED to learn that it’s really hard to find the time for all this stuff I absolutely love now that I have more on my plate.
(I KNOW.)
Being who we came to this earth to be shouldn’t be a privilege. But it feels that way sometimes, because it’s very hard to do.
I’m not even talking about a consistent meditation and writing practice. I’m talking about finding the time to eat, never mind to go shopping to buy ingredients for meals. I’ve been eating of course, but in ways I haven’t eaten in years and it’s affecting me and I don’t like it. I had two Pop Tarts for lunch on Friday and they felt exactly as you would expect them to. I miss my simple salads, but you know what you need for a good salad? A lot of produce. And produce goes bad. (Have you heard?) That means you need the time to go buy them consistently, and then you have to, you know, wash and prep and chop and yes, I know you know this. I’ve known this. But when you have ten minutes and Pop Tarts in the pantry and no produce, well, the choice is made for you.
I consider myself a very down to earth person, but this sudden change has been very grounding. It’s also made me realize that all the work I’ve put in in the past has paid off.
Yes, this time is challenging BUT my Self, who I am at the core, is strong now thanks to all the little things I did for me: Sleeping and pottery and spending time with good people and good people only, and cutting connections with people who are garbage (ie, who only want the worst for me) and most of all, exercising my intuition/gut instinct and learning to trust my own judgement.
Now that I have to work harder for the time to do the things I need for myself I’m even more determined to do so. I’m worth it, and so are you.
xo,
I shush my critical voice before carrying on with the "take care of Dora's needs/ wants" activities! It feels so good.