Come closer. I want to tell you something important.
I know you’re good.
I know you can do so much for so many people. I know that substandard work drives you nuts and you won’t stop until it’s perfect, even if it’s not appreciated.
You do it for the satisfaction of a job well done. You do it for yourself.
I know you believe that with every fiber of your being.
But is that really true?
Are you working so hard for your self, or to please other people?
Be honest. And if it’s the latter, you’ve got to stop.
There are people who only like you when you do things for them.
It’s true.
Stop doing things for these people.
(If that feels selfish, then call it your daily acts of selfishness practice.)
Playing the martyr doesn’t work. It’s a hard habit to break, but you’ve got to stop.
Trying to prove your worth by doing everything for someone else is exhausting. It puts you at their mercy — hoping their pleasure will bring you appreciation, recognition, or love.
It never does.
I call it the martyr’s paradox: The very people who benefit from your martyrdom will be the ones who will lose any respect they had for you before your selfless sacrifice.
Stopping won’t be easy. There are those who won’t appreciate your boundaries. There’s a chance they’ll distance themselves. They might whisper that you’ve changed.
You might lose those people. So what?
Did you really lose them, or did they only stick around because of what you could do for them?
They were using you.
Let them go and let them figure it out for themselves.
As for you, you will still be capable and generous; you just won’t be used up and discarded.
xo,
Pure gold